Skyrimming!*

Several days ago, I started playing Skyrim. Yes, the Skyrim. And it's as good as you think it is.

This is just a small example of how awesome Skyrim is. A very small example.

Instead of shouting about how great Skyrim is, which should be obvious to every breathing, living being on Earth, I will proceed to recount my adventures in this fantasy game, including every fault and virtue it might have.
I start my adventure by not being able to move anything except my head. Which is okay, because there's a cutscene happening right before my eyes! My character is a prisoner aboard a wagon along with other fellow prisoners headed to Helgen. Among the prisoners is Ulfric Stormcloak, and by the sheer power of such a godly name, I feel deeply honored to be seated next to him. I really am.
After I admire the scenery and the other prisoners discuss something or other, we reach Helgen and are placed in some kind of a line, awaiting execution. One guy's head goes off - didn't expect that to happen, actually. Some very wise man decids to run away - in full view of dozens of soldiers armed to the teeth. Why didn't I think of that?
Soon, it's my turn. But instead of having my head chopped of right away, I get to decide which gender and race I am, what my name is and how I look like. The character customization is super fun, with lots of possibilities that would've made Oblivion cooler, e.g., dirt marks, scars, face-paint and anatomically correct faces.

I mean, come on, Oblivion! No one looks like this! Oh. Wait a sec, that's Jocelyn Wildenstein.

Skyrim, on the other hand, allows you to create the character of your dreams. Whether you're building a hot hunk or a sexy future-assassin, you'll find every button you'll need to achieve this. I, for one, chose to make a dangerous-looking Orc-woman (Orcess? She-Orc? whatever) who is destined to become a master in two-handed weapons, hand-to-hand combat, blacksmithing, heavy armor and cooking. Rabbit legs, beware! When Demeter the Orc feels like having a tasty rabbit haunch, you'd better run for the hills! Unless she doesn't have a salt pile in her almost-bottomless satchel. In that case you're safe. For now.

While I'm having fun creating my Orc-warrior, I can't help but wonder what the Imperial soldier standing in front of me is thinking. 'Good God, where did that Imperial man go? Suddenly a fat Khajit man is standing in front of me. Did I arrest someone and let a prisoner escape? They won't like that at headquarters. They'll proba- ORC WHAT?! WHAT?! ORC?! THE HELL WHAT?!' [pause] 'Did I just black out? What am I? Where am I? Ah, hello there, prisoner! You're name's Demeter? Hm, you're not on the list, but you can go right on ahead and get your head chopped off. Next!

As you might have guessed, my character is up next on the chopping-block. In agonizing and anxious anticipation I prepare for the executioner to give me the big chop. Sadly, it's not a pork chop.
Suddenly, in a wild flurry, a dragon swoops down! Naturally, I make my escape, while everyone around me is crapping their pants. After following one guy through the burning town of Helgen, I have a choice to make: follow an Imperial soldier or follow a Stormcloak. NNGH, CHOICES! The first time I played, I went with the Stormcloaks. C'mon, they're call themselves STORMCLOAKS. The only name that could beat that would be THUNDERNUKEFIGHTERS.
sigh.
The second time playing Skyrim, I chose the Imperial path. Why? Because I had played as a Stormcloak already. Duh.
After following my temporary companion, learning how to pick locks and to fight, and picking up all sorts of potions, clothes, weapons and baskets, I head for Riverwood, a quaint little town. There, I sell some stuff, meet some nice peeps and learn how to blacksmith and how to chop wood in more ways than one: I undertake a quest that concerns a pretty, young lady who has two beaus after her. After choosing which one I want to help, I ruthlessly and amorally destroy any and every chance the opposing suitor might have had. I'M ON MY WAY TO BECOMING A HERO!
I complete some quests, get some guy's golden claw back, find a dragonstone, learn some words ( I guess I was illiterate before that) and continue to Whiterun. There, I take it easy for a bit. I sell some more junk of mine, buy a horse and jump around for no reason.
According to most guides, I was supposed to help some Companions members take down a Giant. I successfully avoid helping them each time I play Skyrim. HERO STATUS, HERE I COME!
While jumping around, I notice something intensely interesting.

That's my Orc, Demeter. She's standing under the ground.

Don't get me wrong - I love it when this happens. I'm a fan of cool glitches. And lucky for me, Skyrim is full of cool glitches. (I fall through the floor several times; sometimes I fall from one level to another. Talk about a convenient shortcut! My servant hates it when that happens, though)
I soon continue the main quest after talking to the Jarl What's-His-Name. I help his assistant by doing absolutely nothing, then I help his Housecarl (a sort of high-ranking bodyguard) by killing a dragon, after which I suck its soul out and spit out a piercing shriek that shakes the grounds. I'VE LEARNED HOW TO SHOUT! Man, I must have been destructive as a baby - I used to shout all the time.
As a reward for my learning how to shout at people and mammoths (seriously, who else would I shout at?), the Jarl bestows upon me the honorable title of Thane, which coincidentally nobody honors at all, and gives me my very own Housecarl, Lydia. I'm happy to find that her attitude is very similar to mine. BFs 4EVER!
The steward of Dragonreach (where this Jarl resides) tells me about the possibility of buying a house. Which I do. Then, I buy all available furniture, because I just so happen to be inexplicably dirty rich. I run into my new home, Breezehome, while Lydia sort of waddles after me. Preparing for my next adventure, I decorate my new house, fill the book shelves, food sacks and chests with all sorts of junk and jewelry, leave some weapons behind and press on with my adventures. I quest a bit in Whiterun - join the Companions and such - and then I - oh yeah, I almost forgot, I gain the ability to turn into a Werewolf.

I drink the blood of a Werewolf. And then I kill an innocent bystander. HERO!

At this point I'm fully immersed in the Skyrim environment. I go on quests, learn how to shout different words, buy homes, rescue people, kill dragons, join the Thieves Guild, go to prison, visit strongholds, acquire magical abilities, fall through the ground some more and explore new, cold and distant regions.
Such as Pelagius's head.

Sheogorath then proceeds to do the fish stick. Cheese!

I can do whatever I want in Skyrim, just like in Oblivion. Only in Skyrim, there are more things to do - more interesting things. You could say that Skyrim is a little darker than Oblivion. Certain quests really seem darker than the ones in Oblivion. Then again, Skooma now tastes better! And the combat system has improved! And you can execute a finishing blow on an enemy! And the Dark Brotherhood seems like a really misunderstood organization run by some guy who was abused as a kid in an orphanage! Skyrim is sooo much better than Oblivionion.

So, after stealing, killing, forging (documents, not weapons) and destroying nature, I can proudly admit that I AM NOT UNLIKE A HERO!
My horse, however, has already become High King of Skyrim. He levels a little faster than I do - probably from all that ass-kicking he does.

* I apologize for this title. But you gotta admit, it fits!

Sunday Stealing: The Ninja Meme, Part Two

Here's the continuation of last week's Sunday Stealing!

26. Whose responses to Stealing do you want to read the most?
- Santa's. But I doubt ol' Kris Kringle has a blog.

27. What color shirt are you wearing?
- It's actually a sweater, and it's dark brown.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
- I guess - I've never actually contemplated the material out of which my bed sheets are made.

29. Can you whistle?
- Always look on the bight side of life...

30. Favorite colors(s)?
- Red and green. Fa lalalala, la la lala!

31. Could you be a pirate?
- Yo ho ho, and a bottle of mineral water!

No.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
- I refuse to list the songs I sing in the shower; I might scare someone who recognizes any of those songs.

33. Favorite girls name?
- Svetlana, Sveta

34. Favorite boy’s name?
- Mitch, Yuri,...Mark,....

35. What’s in your pocket right now?
- Complete and utter emptiness. Depressing, I know, right?

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
- Me. I. The author of these answers.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
- The ones with the Barbie faces and flowers and bows on them (not literally on them, but... you get the picture).

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
- Chopped the tip of my index finger off while cutting green onions. Didn't really hurt much and it didn't get infected, but it bled a whole lot.

39. Do you love where you live?
- I miss South Carolina. *non-dramatic sigh*

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? How many HDTVs?
- Two TVs. One old one in my room, and one in the living room.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
- My stereo system hurr durr

42. How many dogs do you have?
- One non-existent one.

43. Does anyone have a crush on you?
- Not that I know of. 'Twould be exciting, alas! My sheer existence repels all utter excitement that can possibly be achieved by a teenage girl.

44. What are the most fun things you ever did?
- Play Mass Effect. Hehe, just kidding. I guess acting out a play, attempting to create a game with my friend, "LARPing" with a few friends of mine (waaaay back).
And, of course, playing horror games in the dark.

45. What are your favorite books?
- War & Peace; Crime and Punishment; The Island of Dr. Moreau; The Good Soldier Svejk; Politics by Aristotle; Our Man in Havana. The list just goes on, and on, and on.....

47. Favorite Team?
- The Super

48. What songs do you want played at your funeral?
- "This is the Life" by Weird Al. Just joking.
Probably the 1812 Overture. With real cannons!
Or the Sugar plum waltz. Tchaikovsky is simply marvelous.

49. What were you doing at 12 AM?
- Learning French. Vigorously.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
- O look a cat trotting down the street.

Sunday Stealing: The Ninja Meme, Part One

Yay for writing memes! Here's a Sunday one for y'all:

1. What do you add to your coffee?
- Either a lot of milk/cream and sugar, or a lot of ice cream. If I drink coffee 'black' , I'm pretty sure I will faint with my eyes open.

2. What are you reading now?
- 'Don Quixote' by Miguel de Cervantes. In other news, I've finished reading a Sherlock Holmes short story today, called 'Gloria Scott'. Or something like that.

3. Do you own a gun?
- I have a poorly functioning water gun. Other than that, no, I haven't a gun.

4. Are you registered to vote?
- Well, taken in the fact that I'm, as of yet, under eighteen, no, I'm not.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
What for? I admit, I used to get nervous when seeing the doctor or the nurses, because I used to be a wee squeamish. As in, I hated shots. More particularly, I hated getting shots.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
- Tasty. Especially with relish, chili, ketchup, mayo, mustard and bbq sauce.
On the other hand, hold everything but the chili.

7. Favorite Christmas Song?
- 'Here Comes Santa Claus (Right Down Santa Claus Lane)' as sung by Elvis Presley,
'Jingle Bell Rock', 'Santa Baby' as sung by anybody who's not Kylie Minogue, and 'Carol of the Old Ones', even though the latter is hardly very festive.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
- A cup of milk, sometimes warm milk or hot cocoa. Once in a rare while, I fancy a cup of tea as well.

9. Can you do push ups?
I can. I can even do three. Three small push ups that hardly seem like push ups at all.

10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend?
- Alas, I have yet to get a boyfriend.

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelery?
- My mother's family necklaces; heirlooms from my grandmother and my great-grandmother. I've perhaps worn them once or twice thus far, but they are nevertheless my favorite pieces of jewelry, along with the corresponding rings and brooch.

12. Favorite hobby?
Reading. And playing video/PC games. I guess they tie in, somehow.

13. Do you work with people who idolize you?
- If I do, they sure are hiding their admiration.

14. Do you have ADD?
- No. I don't even have ADHD.

15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself?
- Having ADD - ha! Just kidding!
On a more serious note, I suppose I dislike my shyness and my stupidity.
Curse those two caitiffs!

16. What’s your Middle name?
The initial is G. More than that you can try to guess for yourself. Haha! Have fun!

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
- Dinner. School. Short Stories.

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
A few cartons of milk, some pears, and a package of sliced ham.

19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink.
- Milk, water, hot cocoa.
Is water even considered a beverage? Never mind.

20. Current worry right now?
- Getting more followers on Twitter. Seriously though.

21. What side do you dress to?
- I beg your pardon? I suppose I dress to the decent side.

22. Favorite place to be?
- Anywhere with the people I like/love/admire/respect.

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
- As usual, with a calender. No really, what the?

24. Where would you like to go?
- Vacation-wise, I'd like to visit the US, particularly the South, see my hometown again. I'd also enjoy visiting Canada, and especially I'd love to go to Cuba or Venezuela.

25. Name three people who will see today.
- Three people whom I will see today? If so, then only one person, my mom. Unless chatting with random people on Kongregate constitutes as having seen somebody.

And now, evening has fallen upon us all. I hope everyone had a nice week-end, and I bid a good following week to all.

- Dr. C. Mock

Saturday: 9, "Just A Silly Meme on a Saturday!"

I've recently discovered what writing memes are. So here I am! With inspiration and ready questions to push me off my writer's block. Actually, it's more of a writer's mountain, to which the seat of my pants are superglued.
Current writing position aside, here are the questions, courtesy of Saturday 9, and the respective answers, courtesy of me.


Saturday 9: Reason to Believe

1. Has anyone asked you to believe in something that called for a huge leap of faith on your part?
- As a matter of fact, yes; a chat-friend of mine expected me to become a completely materialist atheist (in a non-consumer sense), despite the fact that I'm more of a moral Christian. That was some time ago, now I'm quite the atheist, although I do fancy a prayer every now and then.
And I'm still a believer in Christ, so.... technically, I'm kind of a materialist Christian. Does that even make sense? I thought not.

2. When is the last time you moved? Why did you move?
- About six and an half years ago. My parents and I moved all the way from South Carolina, USA to Bavaria, Germany. Quite the haul.

3. Malls? ..or one Internet? Are you doing more online shopping this year? The polls say we are, but I'm curious about what the real people are doing.
- Malls, for sure. I don't trust Internet deals, plus shipping the goods takes some time. Therefore, I choose malls above anything online, unless it's something specific that for example my mother really wants. Otherwise, malls all the way.

4. Do you remember the first meme you participated in and if so, what was it?
- Meme, as in a pop-culture, /b/ meme, or a survey-kind of meme, like this one? In case of the latter, this is my first one (that I've published on my blog lololo).

5. If you could invent something, what would it be?

-A new kind of video game genre. Forget the horror games, the first-person shooters, the indie apps and the puzzle downloadables! Wipe away the point-and-click adventures clean from your memory! Open-world? Sandbox? Multiplayer? Minecraft? Ha! They can snuff it, for all I care! I, Dr. Christina Mock, bring you... Non-person-but-person dangerous undertaking! There, you play an NPC-like character, trying to manipulate the true heroes into making the correct decisions, all the while having fun selling them over-priced goodies, that you've worked hard to collect!
Although this idea might actually have been gotten by somebody far smarter than me far before the publishing of this post, I still would love to invent a brand spanking new video game genre.

6. Are you finished with your shopping? Do you still a few things to go? What? Not even a game plan? ...or is there just one person you're having trouble finding something for?
-Not really. I have yet to buy presents and a card for my mom, and some little cutesy presents for a few friends of mine. Also, game plan.

7. What's left to do at your place (or where you are going)? Is the tree up? ...or maybe you're just happy you found the Christmas coffee mug and are calling that good?
-The tree is up, the ornaments are hanging, the garlands are lying all over the place, the glitter is covering the floor surrounding the tree, the Christmas cookies have been and will continue to be baked, and my presents have been bought. Christmas mission nearly accomplished.

8. Is your life turning out the way you thought it would when you were a kid? If not, is it better or worse?
- Haha, as a kid, I had no idea as to what's going to happen to me. Moving to Germany, desiring to become a journalist, dreaming of writing a book, all these things weren't thought of. I guess my life has actually turned out worse than I expected, with a few perks that keep me smiling. Such as discovering my hidden ability to write a poem. And making a mask hurrdurr.

9. Tell us about something you'll miss about 2010.
- Turning 16, to be honest.
Okay, to be really honest: the release of Super Meat Boy and Portal being up for free download.
Awesome sauce.

Sleazy Lasers

Just finished writing a parody of Ke$ha's song "Sleazy", called "Gas Laser".

Here's the official video of "Sleazy":



I'm currently surprised at the amount of people who don't know "Sleazy".
Watch it! Tell your friends to watch it! Everybody, watch it!

I want more people to appreciate my parody. Sneff.
Of course, I might get more appreciation after I actually release my parody (and maybe sing it).
Alas, my voice is like a ten ton weight. Amateur singers of the world, unite! Please.


PS: As to the mask: lolforget it. Nah wait, maybe I'll show it finally. It's pretty much finished, but I'm a lazy hermit, so... lolforget it.

Paper Mash

Recently, my mom and I spent two thriving weeks in Italy, more specifically in Venice, Rome and Florence (with a small stop in the beautiful town of Pisa).
I say "thriving" because I was constantly on the move; seeing sights, walking through crowded narrow streets, window shopping, hunting for food stuffs, bribing dinosaurs, confronting Santa Claus, fighting off a Zerg rush.
Well, I didn't do all of those things, but I certainly did go sightseeing! I didn't go windsurfing on any gondolas and I didn't eat a €20 plate of spaghetti and meatballs (I'm not that adventurous), but one thing during my stay in Italy certainly has a special place in my mind.
Of course, several things I had witnessed during my stay in Italy have special places in my mind, like my first visit to the opera and... my first visit to the opera, but this thing which I'm referring to is something temporarily very special.

"Rigoletto" by Giuseppe Verdi. Did I mention it was my first visit to the opera? It was.

After seeing all the delightful masks in Venice, I made a firm promise to myself to try my own hand at making a mask out of Paper Mache. Does it sound expensive? Certainly not. Does it sound fun? Yes, it sure does. Does it sound like I haven't the foggiest notion how to make one? Absolutely.

Pshaw. Piece of cake.

After returning home from Italy, I nestled in front of my computer screen the next few days - correction, weeks - playing new flash games, watching movies and reading the latest news. BUT, I also remembered the promise I had made in Italy and I looked up some info on Paper Mache and how to make masks using it. Masks like the Venetian masks from, well, Venice. My first thoughts were making elemental masks - a bright orange fire mask that looks like fire, for instance. Then I realized that that's a stupid and complex idea. I thought of making a mask like some famous super hero or character. Then I realized that that's an unoriginal...act of copying something. I also considered making a cute or perhaps realistic animal mask. Then I realized that I don't want that. So, I settled on the next best thing, namely, making a Venetian mask that resembles a Venetian mask. Crazy, right?

Yes, I actually saw Na'vi masks in Venice. What's with the Avatar craze?!
You people should be crazed by Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World :)

I bookmarked a few interesting sites, and then completely ignored the entire project and classified it under 'failed', thus wasting my time doing time-wasting stuff on the internet and in Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Like following people around and then reporting to some crazy dude. In Oblivion, I mean; not on the internet. ¹
On the 7th of September, however, I solemnly vowed to start crafting the next day. As today is the 8th of August, I've actually started crafting. And guess what? It's easier than I thought it would be! Yayhahaha!

Technically, I haven't really started honest-to-goodness crafting yet. But whatever I've done today resulted in huge success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction!


The adventure begins. First things first, I clean the table upon which I plan to create my godly Paper Mache mask. It happens to be the island counter in my kitchen; ergo I throw all the kitcheny stuff off of it, except for a cutting board,some knives, bowls and some other stuff I doubt I will need but am too lazy to clear from the counter. After sponging it thoroughly (read: once) and then wiping it, I place all the things I think I'll need to begin my quest.

From Left to Right: A bottle of white non-toxic glue, a pair of scissors, a glue-brush, an empty pitcher, a pitcher with water, an odd object of curiosity, a white sheet of paper, slightly old newspaper (one careful owner), box of aluminum foil.

As you may have noticed in the above photo, somewhat in the center of the table lies an odd object of curiosity. Namely, an aluminum foil mold of my face. How did I do that? I took a long sheet of aluminum foil and pressed it against my face.² Oh, the wonders of simplicity.

It's easier when another person is helping you with the aluminum mold of your face. For a thicker mold, use a double layer of aluminum foil (using the same sheet).
You're probably wondering as to why you simply can't glue the paper straight onto your face. Okay, you're probably not wondering that; but I sure was. After browsing various Paper Mache DIY-guides, I came to the logical conclusion that gluing paper onto your face, even with non-toxic glue or flour paste, is all kinds of stupid, not to mention uncomfortable (unless you apply some sort of cream or something onto your face, like HeadOn or white Vaseline or Bacon grease or something). Some people, however, avoid putting anything onto their face whilst making a Paper Mache mask. They use - instead of their faces - balloons, plates, bowls, and other such objects and simply mold a face onto them. You can do that if you want to, but I've seen some of those balloon-like masks and they subtly remind me of balloons. Unless you are a skilled sculptor or a person more talented than I am, I don't recommend using anything other than a person's face (or something that strongly resembles a person's face) as a base to put your aluminum foil and/or glued paper strips on. If you have a ready-made plaster mold, chances are you don't even have to bother reading any of this. And you can probably use that plaster mold to directly apply the Paper Mache. Statues work great too. If you already have a mask and want to use that as a base/mold, it's up to you; if you manage to harmlessly press aluminum foil against it, that's awesome. Frankly, I'm not an expert (in anything) and my fingers are like a nervous, ignorant filibuster - they take a long time to get anything done, regardless how badly, and they usually end up worsening another person's financial situation. In other words, I'm clumsy like heck. But, like Ms. Frizzle always said: "Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!"

I can't believe I just quoted from that show...


Still on the first level of 'Life: The Game: Paper Mache edition", I proceed to put on a plastic apron in order to protect my beautiful clothing and a hairnet to protect my beautiful hair from falling into any glue. That would be terrible. Nay, that would be disastrous. Truly.
If you are wearing longe sleeves whilst creating a mask, I advise you to roll up those sleeves of yours. Unless, of course, you wish to see how much of a mess your tidy little fingers can create. I sure did see mine. Ahem.
Moving on, I prepare the white glue and water mixture. I was very close to making a flour paste, but then I learned that Paper Mache ...um...stuff...made with Flour Paste may actually attract bugs. And there are already plenty of bugs hiding in corners as it is. And I hate bugs. However, I have no aversion to white glue.

One part glue, two parts water. Or something.

Just mix glue and water, and act according to your senses. That's what I did, and it worked out fine. Only, I don't recommend making too much at once. It's better to simply add more glue or water (or both) later than only once in the beginning of the project. Why? That's a good question.

Anyways, I then took a large sheet of plain, white paper and ripped it up in strips and small shreds. I brushed glue onto them (I work quite neatly, as a matter - oh who am I kidding...) and placed them onto the aluminum "mold" of my face. This took some time for me, as it was my first time of... experiencing this sort of enriching process of creation.

I used the little wooden stick to mix the glue, and the paper towel to dry my brush and stick. By the way, I just love Oxford commas.

You may be thinking as to why the mask doesn't have any eye, nostrils or mouth holes and seems pretty...bumpy and uneven, to say the least. That's because I'm planning on smoothing it out later, once I've applied a few newspaper layers onto it, and I'll cut out all the necessary holes and cut off all unnecessary paper later on. I'll add small but important features like slightly wider nostrils and lips, among other things, using toilet paper later on as well, as one of the last Paper Mache-involved steps. Firstly, you need this white layer. One is sufficient (apparently).
After applying all this stuff onto the aluminum foil, I faint from exhaustion.
Just kidding ³! I let it dry for an hour or thereabouts. After dinner (for I started this whole project rather late in the afternoon), I take up the first part of my mask and examine it.

Yep

That's a mask. It's a mask if I ever saw one. Yessiree-bob, that sure is some mask. I bet it will look gorgeous once I put 15 layers of newspaper, two layers of white paper and a coating or two of paint on it.
For some reason a wave of apathy and discouragement came over me and I sat for the rest of the evening in front of my computer, watching QI, The Two Ronnies and Tommy Cooper clips on Youtube.

And that concludes day 1 of my Paper Mache project. Tune in for day 2, which I will post in the near future (within the following few days, hopefully), for my adventures with sticky newspaper and more apathy. Don't worry. I promise you will a happy ending :)

I hope I'll have one...



¹ I've decided about half a year ago to pick up Oblivion and start playing it. I'm a late gamer. 'Late' as in 'I play games usually a few years after they come out' late.

² Caution! If you're following the steps I've taken into creating a mask, remember that I'm quite inept and have a wise adult to help me when the going gets tough. If you're going to press aluminum foil against your face, please go about it safely and make sure that you can breathe fine (through your mouth; the foil will likely block your nostrils). I wouldn't want you to suffocate under all that metal.

³ No, really, I am.

Santa's little Infs© Part Two

Here, as you can plainly see, is my little Inf, Pia Snahkarrots. (you can visit her elegant website here: http://piasnahkarrots.inf.net/ )

I've already taught her to converse on various topics, but there's always room for improvement.
While we're talking about "room for improvement", let's start with the constructive criticism for Inf.net:
Firstly, let's consider the replay value. How many times will I visit this site once I've created an Inf? Will I continue visiting it for a month's duration? Or perhaps I'll just pick it up, play with it for an hour and then forget about it a week later?
Creating an Inf is already pretty fun on its own and the possibility of making more than one Inf is a good idea. Teaching Infs what to say and how to reply is fun on its own, though it does get boring rather quickly and you really have to be in the mood to write what you want your Inf to say. All in all, You'll probably sit around Inf.net for a few minutes up to a half hour for about a week or two, at most a month (unless you're one of those gifted people who can easily dedicate themselves to teaching a basically stupid Santabot what to say to people who actually bother to chat with a virtual gadget)playing with your wittle Inf.
Secondly, is the site useful? Can it somehow help you in any way at all? Well, the help this site can offer is to the bored and blocked. By blocked, I mean the people who have infamous writer's block. If you have the urge to write something, or at least the wish or faint desire to write anything at all, but you don't know where to start or how to "get the creative wheels rolling", teaching your Inf how to respond to various remarks or questions a real-life person or a fellow Inf could pose might actually get your imagine-engine started. Of course, in the case of an acute writer's block, Inf.net isn't going to look like anything special.
Thirdly, is the site appealing? Does it interest other people? Is it innovative? At the first glance, this site seems extremely peculiar. It looks innovative, to say the least; however, behind the curtains of Inf dot net, there are practically mini Santa-/Cleverbot clones waiting for your words and attitude to flow into them. If you're a fan of some character or real person, you'll see in this site a chance to create little versions of them as a tribute to their greatness. Also, you could boast quite a bit about how well you've studied their biographies.
If you're like me and enjoy saying either absolute nonsense or something incredibly intelligent, you'll see in this site a great chance to make your own funny/clever Cleverbot or a possibility to make a parody of this site because of its sheer weirdness.
Or, of course, you might want to visit Inf.net in order to create a little person whom you can embarrass to your heart's content (or who will embarrass others to your heart's content).

Obviously, I'm not really praising Inf.net and I certainly doubt its originality, but what about improvements? If I were to send the staff of the world of Infs an e-mail (with a cute little 'Get Well Soon' e-greeting attached, of course), what kind of tips would I give them?
Make templates a little simpler to create. I'm visiting this site in order to make my very own weird-ass prick. I don't want to learn what the heck unanchored or anchored stuff means. I don't want to fill out troublesome templates.
Also, inspire me. I'm a woman. I need inspiration handed to me on a silver platter. I can't just snoop around and eventually find it myself. Give examples of possible responses; give tips on possible answers to possible questions. Just help me out a little here. I love being verbose and comically depressing; nevertheless, I want some ideas from the staff who made this site. Now.
On a final note, I want people to see my Inf. Open the traffic to my Inf. I'd really appreciate it if my Inf would have more than one or two people stumble upon it by accident on the same day I created it and then let it be forever lost in the sea of other Infs for ages to come.
The rating system is fine and all, but - gosh darnit! My Inf has absolutely no real personality on its own and, at the same time, it has the weirdest personality no human on earth has.
I appreciate the person who created the famous Jack Sparrow Inf, but I'd like some peeps to enjoy my joyless Inf as well. I guess I'm asking for a bit too much here, but hey - that's constructive criticism for ya.

And that, my friends, has been Inf Dot Net. Create an Inf and have fun. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your life. Actually, forget the Inf. Go outside and play some frisbee with your dog. Or cat. Or pet porcupine. If I had a pet porcupine, I wouldn't be sitting here right now and typing. I'd be outside, playing frisbee with another persons's dog (a safe distance away from my prickly friend).