Paper Mash

Recently, my mom and I spent two thriving weeks in Italy, more specifically in Venice, Rome and Florence (with a small stop in the beautiful town of Pisa).
I say "thriving" because I was constantly on the move; seeing sights, walking through crowded narrow streets, window shopping, hunting for food stuffs, bribing dinosaurs, confronting Santa Claus, fighting off a Zerg rush.
Well, I didn't do all of those things, but I certainly did go sightseeing! I didn't go windsurfing on any gondolas and I didn't eat a €20 plate of spaghetti and meatballs (I'm not that adventurous), but one thing during my stay in Italy certainly has a special place in my mind.
Of course, several things I had witnessed during my stay in Italy have special places in my mind, like my first visit to the opera and... my first visit to the opera, but this thing which I'm referring to is something temporarily very special.

"Rigoletto" by Giuseppe Verdi. Did I mention it was my first visit to the opera? It was.

After seeing all the delightful masks in Venice, I made a firm promise to myself to try my own hand at making a mask out of Paper Mache. Does it sound expensive? Certainly not. Does it sound fun? Yes, it sure does. Does it sound like I haven't the foggiest notion how to make one? Absolutely.

Pshaw. Piece of cake.

After returning home from Italy, I nestled in front of my computer screen the next few days - correction, weeks - playing new flash games, watching movies and reading the latest news. BUT, I also remembered the promise I had made in Italy and I looked up some info on Paper Mache and how to make masks using it. Masks like the Venetian masks from, well, Venice. My first thoughts were making elemental masks - a bright orange fire mask that looks like fire, for instance. Then I realized that that's a stupid and complex idea. I thought of making a mask like some famous super hero or character. Then I realized that that's an unoriginal...act of copying something. I also considered making a cute or perhaps realistic animal mask. Then I realized that I don't want that. So, I settled on the next best thing, namely, making a Venetian mask that resembles a Venetian mask. Crazy, right?

Yes, I actually saw Na'vi masks in Venice. What's with the Avatar craze?!
You people should be crazed by Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World :)

I bookmarked a few interesting sites, and then completely ignored the entire project and classified it under 'failed', thus wasting my time doing time-wasting stuff on the internet and in Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Like following people around and then reporting to some crazy dude. In Oblivion, I mean; not on the internet. ¹
On the 7th of September, however, I solemnly vowed to start crafting the next day. As today is the 8th of August, I've actually started crafting. And guess what? It's easier than I thought it would be! Yayhahaha!

Technically, I haven't really started honest-to-goodness crafting yet. But whatever I've done today resulted in huge success. It's hard to overstate my satisfaction!


The adventure begins. First things first, I clean the table upon which I plan to create my godly Paper Mache mask. It happens to be the island counter in my kitchen; ergo I throw all the kitcheny stuff off of it, except for a cutting board,some knives, bowls and some other stuff I doubt I will need but am too lazy to clear from the counter. After sponging it thoroughly (read: once) and then wiping it, I place all the things I think I'll need to begin my quest.

From Left to Right: A bottle of white non-toxic glue, a pair of scissors, a glue-brush, an empty pitcher, a pitcher with water, an odd object of curiosity, a white sheet of paper, slightly old newspaper (one careful owner), box of aluminum foil.

As you may have noticed in the above photo, somewhat in the center of the table lies an odd object of curiosity. Namely, an aluminum foil mold of my face. How did I do that? I took a long sheet of aluminum foil and pressed it against my face.² Oh, the wonders of simplicity.

It's easier when another person is helping you with the aluminum mold of your face. For a thicker mold, use a double layer of aluminum foil (using the same sheet).
You're probably wondering as to why you simply can't glue the paper straight onto your face. Okay, you're probably not wondering that; but I sure was. After browsing various Paper Mache DIY-guides, I came to the logical conclusion that gluing paper onto your face, even with non-toxic glue or flour paste, is all kinds of stupid, not to mention uncomfortable (unless you apply some sort of cream or something onto your face, like HeadOn or white Vaseline or Bacon grease or something). Some people, however, avoid putting anything onto their face whilst making a Paper Mache mask. They use - instead of their faces - balloons, plates, bowls, and other such objects and simply mold a face onto them. You can do that if you want to, but I've seen some of those balloon-like masks and they subtly remind me of balloons. Unless you are a skilled sculptor or a person more talented than I am, I don't recommend using anything other than a person's face (or something that strongly resembles a person's face) as a base to put your aluminum foil and/or glued paper strips on. If you have a ready-made plaster mold, chances are you don't even have to bother reading any of this. And you can probably use that plaster mold to directly apply the Paper Mache. Statues work great too. If you already have a mask and want to use that as a base/mold, it's up to you; if you manage to harmlessly press aluminum foil against it, that's awesome. Frankly, I'm not an expert (in anything) and my fingers are like a nervous, ignorant filibuster - they take a long time to get anything done, regardless how badly, and they usually end up worsening another person's financial situation. In other words, I'm clumsy like heck. But, like Ms. Frizzle always said: "Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!"

I can't believe I just quoted from that show...


Still on the first level of 'Life: The Game: Paper Mache edition", I proceed to put on a plastic apron in order to protect my beautiful clothing and a hairnet to protect my beautiful hair from falling into any glue. That would be terrible. Nay, that would be disastrous. Truly.
If you are wearing longe sleeves whilst creating a mask, I advise you to roll up those sleeves of yours. Unless, of course, you wish to see how much of a mess your tidy little fingers can create. I sure did see mine. Ahem.
Moving on, I prepare the white glue and water mixture. I was very close to making a flour paste, but then I learned that Paper Mache ...um...stuff...made with Flour Paste may actually attract bugs. And there are already plenty of bugs hiding in corners as it is. And I hate bugs. However, I have no aversion to white glue.

One part glue, two parts water. Or something.

Just mix glue and water, and act according to your senses. That's what I did, and it worked out fine. Only, I don't recommend making too much at once. It's better to simply add more glue or water (or both) later than only once in the beginning of the project. Why? That's a good question.

Anyways, I then took a large sheet of plain, white paper and ripped it up in strips and small shreds. I brushed glue onto them (I work quite neatly, as a matter - oh who am I kidding...) and placed them onto the aluminum "mold" of my face. This took some time for me, as it was my first time of... experiencing this sort of enriching process of creation.

I used the little wooden stick to mix the glue, and the paper towel to dry my brush and stick. By the way, I just love Oxford commas.

You may be thinking as to why the mask doesn't have any eye, nostrils or mouth holes and seems pretty...bumpy and uneven, to say the least. That's because I'm planning on smoothing it out later, once I've applied a few newspaper layers onto it, and I'll cut out all the necessary holes and cut off all unnecessary paper later on. I'll add small but important features like slightly wider nostrils and lips, among other things, using toilet paper later on as well, as one of the last Paper Mache-involved steps. Firstly, you need this white layer. One is sufficient (apparently).
After applying all this stuff onto the aluminum foil, I faint from exhaustion.
Just kidding ³! I let it dry for an hour or thereabouts. After dinner (for I started this whole project rather late in the afternoon), I take up the first part of my mask and examine it.

Yep

That's a mask. It's a mask if I ever saw one. Yessiree-bob, that sure is some mask. I bet it will look gorgeous once I put 15 layers of newspaper, two layers of white paper and a coating or two of paint on it.
For some reason a wave of apathy and discouragement came over me and I sat for the rest of the evening in front of my computer, watching QI, The Two Ronnies and Tommy Cooper clips on Youtube.

And that concludes day 1 of my Paper Mache project. Tune in for day 2, which I will post in the near future (within the following few days, hopefully), for my adventures with sticky newspaper and more apathy. Don't worry. I promise you will a happy ending :)

I hope I'll have one...



¹ I've decided about half a year ago to pick up Oblivion and start playing it. I'm a late gamer. 'Late' as in 'I play games usually a few years after they come out' late.

² Caution! If you're following the steps I've taken into creating a mask, remember that I'm quite inept and have a wise adult to help me when the going gets tough. If you're going to press aluminum foil against your face, please go about it safely and make sure that you can breathe fine (through your mouth; the foil will likely block your nostrils). I wouldn't want you to suffocate under all that metal.

³ No, really, I am.

Santa's little Infs© Part Two

Here, as you can plainly see, is my little Inf, Pia Snahkarrots. (you can visit her elegant website here: http://piasnahkarrots.inf.net/ )

I've already taught her to converse on various topics, but there's always room for improvement.
While we're talking about "room for improvement", let's start with the constructive criticism for Inf.net:
Firstly, let's consider the replay value. How many times will I visit this site once I've created an Inf? Will I continue visiting it for a month's duration? Or perhaps I'll just pick it up, play with it for an hour and then forget about it a week later?
Creating an Inf is already pretty fun on its own and the possibility of making more than one Inf is a good idea. Teaching Infs what to say and how to reply is fun on its own, though it does get boring rather quickly and you really have to be in the mood to write what you want your Inf to say. All in all, You'll probably sit around Inf.net for a few minutes up to a half hour for about a week or two, at most a month (unless you're one of those gifted people who can easily dedicate themselves to teaching a basically stupid Santabot what to say to people who actually bother to chat with a virtual gadget)playing with your wittle Inf.
Secondly, is the site useful? Can it somehow help you in any way at all? Well, the help this site can offer is to the bored and blocked. By blocked, I mean the people who have infamous writer's block. If you have the urge to write something, or at least the wish or faint desire to write anything at all, but you don't know where to start or how to "get the creative wheels rolling", teaching your Inf how to respond to various remarks or questions a real-life person or a fellow Inf could pose might actually get your imagine-engine started. Of course, in the case of an acute writer's block, Inf.net isn't going to look like anything special.
Thirdly, is the site appealing? Does it interest other people? Is it innovative? At the first glance, this site seems extremely peculiar. It looks innovative, to say the least; however, behind the curtains of Inf dot net, there are practically mini Santa-/Cleverbot clones waiting for your words and attitude to flow into them. If you're a fan of some character or real person, you'll see in this site a chance to create little versions of them as a tribute to their greatness. Also, you could boast quite a bit about how well you've studied their biographies.
If you're like me and enjoy saying either absolute nonsense or something incredibly intelligent, you'll see in this site a great chance to make your own funny/clever Cleverbot or a possibility to make a parody of this site because of its sheer weirdness.
Or, of course, you might want to visit Inf.net in order to create a little person whom you can embarrass to your heart's content (or who will embarrass others to your heart's content).

Obviously, I'm not really praising Inf.net and I certainly doubt its originality, but what about improvements? If I were to send the staff of the world of Infs an e-mail (with a cute little 'Get Well Soon' e-greeting attached, of course), what kind of tips would I give them?
Make templates a little simpler to create. I'm visiting this site in order to make my very own weird-ass prick. I don't want to learn what the heck unanchored or anchored stuff means. I don't want to fill out troublesome templates.
Also, inspire me. I'm a woman. I need inspiration handed to me on a silver platter. I can't just snoop around and eventually find it myself. Give examples of possible responses; give tips on possible answers to possible questions. Just help me out a little here. I love being verbose and comically depressing; nevertheless, I want some ideas from the staff who made this site. Now.
On a final note, I want people to see my Inf. Open the traffic to my Inf. I'd really appreciate it if my Inf would have more than one or two people stumble upon it by accident on the same day I created it and then let it be forever lost in the sea of other Infs for ages to come.
The rating system is fine and all, but - gosh darnit! My Inf has absolutely no real personality on its own and, at the same time, it has the weirdest personality no human on earth has.
I appreciate the person who created the famous Jack Sparrow Inf, but I'd like some peeps to enjoy my joyless Inf as well. I guess I'm asking for a bit too much here, but hey - that's constructive criticism for ya.

And that, my friends, has been Inf Dot Net. Create an Inf and have fun. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your life. Actually, forget the Inf. Go outside and play some frisbee with your dog. Or cat. Or pet porcupine. If I had a pet porcupine, I wouldn't be sitting here right now and typing. I'd be outside, playing frisbee with another persons's dog (a safe distance away from my prickly friend).

Santa's little Infs©

Lurking the internet, a rather pathetic pass-time of mine, I somehow stumbled upon the world of Infs, namely Inf.net.
What are Infs exactly? According to the site, Infs are Intellectual Agents. Intellectual Agents whom you have to teach how to talk, before they can actually converse with you on their own. You can also give them a unique personality as well as appearance; plus, you can also post these little Infs on you blog, website, Myspace page, wtf-ever.
Come to think of it, they don't sound all that intellectual. I dare say they don't sound intellectual at all. Nevertheless, let's dig a bit further into this Inf business. (Ugh, that last sentence sounded disgusting.)

After quickly signing up, I get to start creating my Inf immediately! :D oh joy

After opting to create a girl, I'm straightaway struck by the limited choice of skin colors - pinkish off-white, orangey brown, and curry-like yellow. I'm guessing pasty white people, semi-bronze tanned people and not-orangey brown people don't exist in the world of Infs. oh well.

After minutes of making tough decisions and slaving away in front of the monitor screen, I end up with this charming little young lady:



Hm. Wait a second, I think she's lacking a certain something,... a certain "je ne sais quoi"....


there that's better.

I shall call her Pia. Pia Snahkarrots.
After giving her that saintly name, I'm promptly bombarded by dozens of things I can do with my Inf. Also, I learn a little bit more about Pia:
Her rating is 0, she's in the 0th place and she has 0 inf-friends. Pia, stop being so damn anti-social.
There's a speech bubble next to Pia, so I begin chatting with her. I soon realize that Cleverbot is slightly more entertaining than she is; her responses are too optimistic. She's always so damn happy. And happiness ruins her beautiful dress. So, it's time to teach her how to talk befitting her fashion sense! this should be fun.

First off, I edit Pia's interests - that's right, Pia. I'm in control now. My commands are your words.
And my command is that you're currently residing on the moon - Dorsa Geikie, to be exact.
I then make a template; basically, I choose a specific reply Pia says whenever a Guest says a specific word or words. I haven't the foggiest notion what unanchored or anchored means, so I'll just leave that out for now. So now, I just programmed Pia to say "bless you" with a bewildered expression on her face whenever a guest says "hi" or something similar to "hi" (like "Hi").

Cool! But this is getting boring real fast. Let's continue. I proceed to fill out her responses to cues. yeah.


I move on to filling out Pia's replies to various questions and phrases. It may seem tedious ( well, it is ), but it's also kind of fun.
All in all, Inf.net is rather interesting. Making your own little Cleverbot with your own little avatar to go with it is a pretty good idea.
Tomorrow, I'll dig even more int Inf.net and unravel everything the site has to offer, closing this topic in (hopefully) only two posts.

_
the Mockdoctor

First Post - New Blog

Heh, just started a blog. A mockritical blog, to be exact.
Okay, if the name doesn't suggest what type of blog this will be exactly (and mind you, there are many types of blogs out there...), Mockritical Analysis is a blog concerning not so much with my petty life problems, but more with reviews and essays about video games, movies, &c., conducted in a non-serious fashion (non-serious for the most part).
Now, for some info about myself:
I'm quite the gamer; I love reading, especially reading classics; One of my favorite funny writers is Kurt Vonnegut, my favorite serious writer is Leo Tolstoy, my favorite playwright is Shakespeare.
My nickname, Mock Doctor, is both a reference to one of Moliere's plays and a reference to one of H. Fielding's plays. THE MORE YOU KNOW...

Don't be surprised if stuff concerning my school education pops up - school's frequently the object of my concentration. I presume this applies to most if not all high school students.

À bientôt
- the Mock Doctor